There's a big milestone approaching in our house—our oldest son graduates in a few short weeks. It's been a whirlwind of emotions for me. On one hand, I'm very sad that our family will look and feel different soon. On the other hand, I'm ready and so excited to watch him move into this next phase of life. He has grown to be such an incredible man, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm anticipating all that God will do through him and am feeling really blessed to have a front seat to seeing his life unfold. And as we're nearing the end of this phase, there's a part of me that as a mom is asking, "Did I do all that I needed to, did I tell him what he needs to know, and prepare him well for this next big step?" I guess I'm asking, did I do my job as a mom? What is the goal of parenthood anyway? And how do you know that you've been successful?
Unfortunately, I went through most of motherhood using my kid's academic achievements (or lack thereof), their obedience, or how much they were involved in activities as a measure of my success as a mom. Now hear me out when I say, those things can be very important. However, as I started spending time in prayer and asking God what success as a mom looked like, my thoughts and my heart began to shift. I began to realize that one of the most successful things I can do as a mom is put more value on who my kids are becoming instead of what they are accomplishing. While I still desire my kids to be successful academically and I hope they're working towards achieving the goals they set, my main focus now and the question I keep asking myself is: Who are my kids becoming? What is their character? And how can I continue to help them be the kind of people that God desires them to be?
You can imagine the joy in my heart when I recently received this text from my oldest son. (He gave me permission to share this.)
"Mom I just want to say I love you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You've been an amazing mom and I am forever grateful. Though I may not be an honor roll student or make the best decisions you will love me, and I want to say thank you. I love you mom, thank you."
You see, my son may not get the best grades or be on all the sports teams. He may not get involved with every school activity or win awards. He doesn't always make the best decisions. I also know, I may not have gotten it all right as his mom. In fact, I'm certain I've made more mistakes than anything, but here's what I know, my son is an incredible man and I couldn't be more proud of who he is. He is caring and kind, he really loves others and is the first one to offer help if someone is in need. He listens and asks questions. He has integrity and is honest. He is a hard worker and gives it his best. His character is solid. He makes me laugh. I love who God has created him to be and I'm lucky to be his mom. Getting this note from him showed me that valuing his character paid off, because he felt loved by me.
So, how about you? How do you measure success as a parent? Do you value who they are becoming more than what they are accomplishing?
It says in 1 Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Take the pressure off them, and off you, just a little bit. Trust in God. Know that He's got this even when you feel like you don't. Above all, love your kids deeply. And they will feel well loved if you focus more on who your kids are becoming and less on what they are accomplishing.
