Throughout my four years of college, on-campus special events were a don't-miss part of life for my group of friends. From the rock lip sync battle, to the homecoming game, to the week-long missions festival, we never missed one. At one event during my sophomore year, I entered the stone-lined chapel just as I had on most Thursday nights prior. However, this experience was different.
That particular semester had been marred by heartache, a broken relationship, bouts of feeling inadequate and being overcome with severe doubt. The night I walked into the chapel, I thought I entered as a whole, but if I'm honest, I was a string of fractured particles hoping to be reunited once more.
God had known all too well the weight I'd chosen to shoulder day after dayI had called out to him on several occasions, requesting that he remove the source of all the pain and frustration. And yet, as the days continued, my circumstances remained unmoved.
And then it happened.
The guest speaker during the chapel service that night said something. I honestly don't remember it being anything overly profound or inherently life-altering in and of itself. And yet, the words felt like they were selected with only me in mind.
And it wrecked me.
I sensed God inviting me into a conversation with Him that no longer centered on finding escape from my current reality, but instead, became an invitation to embark on the journey together.
In an instant, I became disinterested in the pieces I had previously desired God to pick up and stitch together, and instead became captivated by what the puzzle looked like in its entirety.
I stopped asking God to eradicate the pain I was experiencing, but rather to make me more fit to face it.
I started asking Him not to reverse the shattered nature of my heart, but instead, use it as an opportunity to graft in pieces that hadn't existed before.Not to reassemble me as I was, but to create me more into who I could be.
God responds to prayer in the manner and timing that he sees fit. At times, He's chosen to answer my prayers by altering my circumstances. However, in my experience, more commonly, the change occurs in me.
