This fall, Pastor Jason Strand shared the story of my divorce and remarriage to my husband in one of his messages. In case you're not familiar with my story, the Cliffs Notes version is this: My husband, Brett, turned from God, began drinking to excess, cheated on me, and left me and our son. We divorced but continued spending time together, trying to raise our son with a sense of family. In time, we found our way back to one another and remarried.
Since we've been re-married, I've had many people ask how I could possibly take him back after all he'd done, after all the pain he caused me. Almost everyone says, "I could never forgive my spouse if he did that!" I understand their thinking, and I never claimed this was easy. The literal heartache that comes from addiction, adultery, and abandonment doesn't just go away. It's not something that I could just "get over." It took a great deal of time, prayer, and wrestling with both God and myself to work through the feelings and thoughts associated with the experience.
If I had to simplify it, I would say the process and decision to reunite with my ex-husband came down to three things:
1) Forgiveness.
This came almost right away for me. Why? Because in Matthew 6:14-15, we read that God expects us to forgive others as he has forgiven us. I knew that, while broken and so very wrong in his actions against me, my husband was a dearly loved child of God whom I truly needed to forgive. I, myself, have sinned against God and others, and God has forgiven me! As such, I had to forgive my husband. In a way, forgiveness is like love; it's an action, not a feeling. So, although I didn't "feel like" forgiving him, I did. I treated Brett with respect and as much kindness as I could muster, so that I could honor God and what I knew was right. But this wasn't easy! For a long time, it felt like I was praying constantly for God to remove the anger, hurt, and negative feelings I had about what Brett had done. In time, my heart healed and my feelings of forgiveness began to align with the act of forgiveness.
2) Trust.
I trusted that, above anything else, God loved me and would never let me down. I trusted that the Lord would take care of me and my child. Finally, I trusted that God was good, wanted the best for me, and would help me make good decisions about my life. Now, trusting my husband again took far longer for me to do. It took courage on my part, giving him chances to prove himself in small ways. And it happened gradually, through spending little bits of time together. From that, trust was slowly rebuilt.
3) Being open to anything.
For three years, I prayed day and night for God to give me wisdom and to allow me to follow his plan. I prayed for an open heart and release of stubbornness. I definitely wasn't looking to get back together with my husband, but I was open to it, if it was God's will. When my feelings and affection began to grow again for my husband, I didn't try to stop them.
In the end, I am just so filled with joy that God brought my husband and I back together again. I thank God every day for this man and my marriage. Brett and I are happier and more satisfied with our marriage than ever! We work much harder to have strong communication, make decisions together, and spend time together. We love our life and our little family! And, it just so happens that our family is growing; the Monday after Jason gave his powerful message and shared our story, we learned that we are going to have another baby. What a wonderful gift from God, on top of all he's already done for us!
