I didn't realize that when I signed up to be a parent I also joined a club. I'm not talking merely about a cloth diapering service or a book-of-the-month club, but a nameless network of fellow parents on a journey to discover how to successfully raise kids. You may opt to join this club well before conceiving a child, and once inducted you become a lifetime member. This club is a larger conglomeration than if Costco, YMCA, NHS, 4H, AAA, and AARP joined forces. This club can provide endless support, encouragement and advice and is easily accessible via social media.It's especially helpful during the early years when it comes to navigating the endless choices of car seats, baby wash, and diapers. Just a simple post on Facebook results in dozens of recommendations from parents further down the road than you, which saves time on research and potential bad choices. I remember when I hired a sitter for the first time. It had been years since I babysat someone else's kids and I had no idea what to pay the sitter. Within seconds of posting my question, I received more hits than a Google search.
As a 5-year member, I have come to realize that in addition to all the perks of being a part of this club, it has its dark side. This club has a loud voice that is very vocal about what the ideal parent should look like, should be, should do, and should think. There doesn't seem to be room for weakness or error. This intense collective ideal forces parents to rate each other and has led to an almost unattainable awardThe Best Parent Award. The recipient of this award would provide their child with the highest safety-rated travel experience, food from the most regulated organic farm, and a seamless arrangement of germ-free environments. This parent hosts birthday parties that appear to be decorated by a professional, finds time for endless DIY projects, and participates in daily extra-curricular activities with their child. The culture of this club is obsessed with the concept of The Best. In an attempt to be child-centric and focusing all efforts on what's best for the child, the true motivation behind it seems to be parent-centric.
Once I realized I had been making decisions based on what other parents would do or would think of me, I recognized that this wasn't God's plan for my family. I felt like a failure and I felt empty. I began to challenge myself to dig into God's word for direction. I found that all the seeming priorities of what our culture tells us makes a good parent—safety, nutrition, health, dcor, and activities—are not even mentioned. They're great and all, but they're not THE most important things. What God's word does tell us over and over is that parents should teach their children about God and children should honor and obey their parents. Proverbs 1:8-9 says, "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck." Focusing on God's ideas of parenting have allowed me to fulfill His plan for my family rather than what the world's plan is for me.
