Will you be there for me?

I am the parent of three middle school students, and when others hear I'm in the midst of raising teens, they typically share their condolences. And some days, I gladly accept that sympathy. However, most of the days are filled with opportunity to guide the moral compass deep within each of these children and to maintain open communication. Here are three ways I've learned to help navigate the teen years:

1. Take Care of Yourself

If I'm not getting enough rest, not paying attention to my stress levels or eating well, it leaks out onto how I treat my family. My warning signs are being snippy and agitated when I don't want to be. I have learned that it's good to pay attention to self-care so that I can care for others and be mindfully present.

2. Uncover Assets

Another one of my goals as a parent is to draw out and point to the gifts, natural talents and abilities each child has and help them develop these further. I give them permission to not feel pressured to be good at everything (besides, who is?!), but to be confident in their own skin. The hard-wiring and natural talent in them is a gift from God and can complement a parent's ability to connect and be in the same game with their child. Paying attention to these individual personal assets in a child truly shows how much you care and are in tune with their life. I have appreciated extra tools to use as a parent, because my children don't always hear my voice on these matters. I recommend the kids or youth edition of StrengthsFinder called "StrengthsExplorer" or StrengthsQuest."

3. Respect and Listen

Every kid wants to be heard, no matter what age. Actually, parents do too! I have learned that my children need regular opportunities to express their thoughts and opinions. Find time in your daily calendar to check in with each child. Pastor Jason Strand shared a few weeks ago that he asks his kids each night, "How's your heart?" and then stops to listen. I couldn't agree more with this. When we model true listening to our children we are also showing respect and love to them.

When kids or parents are going through particularly tough situations it's OK to find an alternative method for communication rather than face to face. Grab a notebook and let them write to you or vice versa. We've done this at our house and the children have kept notebooks under their pillows. When they need to communicate something difficult, their notebook has shown up under my pillow awaiting my response. Or if I want to jot a note to them, I'll write to them and put it under their pillow. I've found this to be exceptionally effective during seasons of transition and stress. Those words don't change and a child can go back to those words at any time and reread what you wrote to them, what a gift to them. Give it a try. We've had great success with that!