Words Matter

Recently, my 3-and-a-half-year-old son, Maddox, said to my pregnant wife, Emily, "How does the baby get inside your belly?"

Emily's response? "Ask your Dad. He's a pastor and gets questions like that all the time."

"The baby is in there because Mom and Dad love each other so much," I said. (Not bad on the fly...)

No kidding, Maddox then busted out the memory verse he'd been learning in Kid-O-Deo: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." Probably unrelated, but still, hilarious.

Every day, as a parent, I'm faced with a totally unexpected, unplanned, unprepared and sometimes outrageous question, event or circumstance involving my kid. They didn't teach me how to be a parent in middle school, high school, college or seminary. I've never read a book that had all the answers to all the questions. So I'm a work in progress.

Despite the frequent feelings of inadequacy, my wife and I have committed to speaking a few key phrases as frequently as possible around Maddox and our house.

Here they are:

"I'm Sorry."

Sure, we ask Maddox to say, "I'm sorry," all the time. But, more importantly, Emily and I are committed to saying it, too.

A few weeks ago, I had a terrible day. I wasn't kind to anyone, including Maddox. At the end of the day, I crawled in his bed and simply said, "Maddox, I had a bad day. It happens sometimes. I'm sorry." I don't know if his 3-year-old brain is always computing, but the point is: We're trying to teach him it's okay to mess up. It's okay to admit mistakes. It's healthy to apologize.

"Will You Forgive Me?"

Even beyond that, we want to teach forgiveness and grace. As a sinner saved by God's grace, I want to be a parent who oozes grace and forgiveness. And I want to model that grace for Maddox and for Emily, bringing glory to the God who has shown me so much forgiveness.

I ask Maddox for forgiveness. I ask Emily for forgiveness. I ask God for forgiveness. And ultimately, I have to forgive myself. Grace is at the heart of the Gospel. It's a Gospel I must preach to myself and to my family by seeking and displaying forgiveness.

"I Can Do Better."

I definitely haven't arrived as a parent. Have you? I hope you don't think you have, because to me, parenting will continually be a work in progress. It's the families who refuse to see the areas they can do better who fail. So we repeat this one a lot around our house. I can do better tomorrow. I can do better next time.

"Jesus Loves You No Matter What."

And finally, I end each night speaking these words to Maddox: "I love you. Jesus loves you no matter what." As a parent, I want to communicate unconditional love, because at the heart of the Gospel is this love that Jesus has for each one of his children.

As a parent, commit to determining and then writing down those few key phrases you want your son or daughter to know to be true about your household. Then, speak and model them as frequently as you can.

What are some of the key phrases you use around your house?